TOTHism

Of course since I haven't been able to find an existing religion I can believe in fully, I had to create my own: TOTHism.

You'll notice that it's in all caps. That's because it's an acronym. It stands for:

Thinning
Of
The
Herd

Thanks to the newsmedia, I am able to practice my religion daily, sometimes several times a day. I was at the alter of TOTH just a few minutes ago while at KAKe's blog. She posted an article about a woman who died after she ate wild mushrooms from the side of the highway. KAKe said "Eeew" and "Moron."

But I say: TOTH!

My soul doth magnify the greatness of TOTH! All around us in this world are shown to us the ever-present and all-encompassing TOTH! TOTH knows no color, race, sex or creed. Hail, TOTH! Long live TOTH!

Seriously, I'm sure it's very sad for that woman's family. But I still say: TOTH!

In Newsday today it was reported that a young man in Suffolk died while driving his car at excessive speed, driving across the double yellow line, with his friend as a passenger. He wanted to study criminal justice and become a cop. His family reports that everybody liked him. Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately for the rest of us), TOTH liked him best, and took him into its embrace. The friend was very near to TOTH himself, blessed are those who see TOTH in person and live to tell of it. Perhaps his encounter with TOTH will be a life changing experience (i.e. he won't let himself be a passenger of such a dumbass "friend" again!).

Someone hit by a train and killed while spraypainting graffiti on LIRR tracks? A fine work of TOTH!
Someone killed while car surfing? A superior work of TOTH!

And how many of them say "S/He wanted to be a lawyer." (I'd say, about 70%. The rest wanted to be cops or firemen or entrepreneurs with successful businesses.)

My beliefs may make me sound harsh. Deny TOTH if you must, but for believers and unbelievers both, TOTH's boundless work continues across all time and space.

(Can I get an "Amen?")